i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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