Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
