i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
