You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
