I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
