If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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