If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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