I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
