Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
