Your dad touched me again.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
