My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
