Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
