a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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