I think i sorta joined a cult last night
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
