its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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