he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
