i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
