From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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