Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
