You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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