I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
