at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
