didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dicks are not precious.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
