WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
All I want is dick and wine.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
false alarm, still single
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
