I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
