just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
That was an excessively violent trivia night
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
