I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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