she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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