I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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