dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We smell like vodka and hangover
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