Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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