I CAN MOONWALK!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
