My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
