Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
