You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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