In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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