Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
