At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
