Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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