I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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