I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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