It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
