If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
