So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
