hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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