Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
