Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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