covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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