Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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