I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
