I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
this is an emotional support booty call
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
