I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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