if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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