When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
