3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i think i just lost a toe
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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