Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
