saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
