That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Help. Why am I so naked?
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