i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
