About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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